Just about every newspaper has a section devoted to the weird and wonderful goings on in the World. Quite often they're referred to as "Odd Spots". Of course there's more to the story waiting to be told. It justs needs a little irrational thought to read between the lines and see THE REAL STORY...
Wednesday, July 31, 2002 Is that a lawnmower in your pocket...?
Wednesday July 31, 2002
Mikhail Kalashnikov, inventor of the assault rifle that bears his name, said he was proud of developing the AK-47 but wished he had designed something to help people instead - like a lawnmower.
Poor Mikhail. All he wanted to do was make his Ma and Pa proud. But doesn't he know that lawnmowers don't kill people. People kill people... who start up lawnmowers on Sunday mornings.
One of Mikhail's fans, Billy-Bob from Oklahoma had this to say:
I know f-sure that Mikhail made me a very happy man tha day ma ignorant-ass-bastard neighbour started mowing his FREAKIN' lawn at tha crack-of-noon when I was nursing the Hiroshima of hangovers. I just reached under tha pillow for ma trusty AK-47, walked over to tha window and blew that Mutha away. And when his bitch-wife started screaming like some crazy banshee, I just popped a few caps in her stupid, sorry, fat ass too.
So I sez. "Thanks Mikhail Kalashnikov, for providing the millions of people around this Big Ol' World like me with a reliable means of making our point clearly understood. posted by Steve | 2:22 PM
Mr Buzzy and friend ejected from plane
Tuesday July 30, 2002
A woman who says she was pulled off a plane in the US and asked to take a sex toy out of her luggage after it started vibrating is suing Delta Air Lines, saying she was publicly humiliated.
I think the Americans are getting a little too paranoid about what people carry on aircraft nowadays. What was she going to do, threaten the crew and passengers that unless her demands were met she'd fuck them all with a dildo?
posted by Steve | 2:04 PM
Bob bobs for a few bob
Monday July 29, 2002
Tourists who toss coins into the Trevi Fountain in Rome may be irritated to learn that for the past 20 years most of the money has ended up in the pockets of unemployed Roberto Cercelletta, who collects the coins at dawn and makes about US$500 a day.
$500 x 365 x 20 = $3,650000. Roberto must be the Don of the exclusive Fountain Mafia.
It is rumoured that many a homeless wretch's life has ended wearing concrete shoes to the bottom of the Fiume Tevere after attempting to gather a few coins to feed their family. Such selfishness is not tolerated by Don Roberto and his thugs. posted by Steve | 1:55 PM
Monday, July 29, 2002 Radioactive in the Great Outdoors
Officials at California's Lawrence Livermore Laboratory decided that their brand-new, $62 million storage facility for low-level radioactive waste was not secure enough from terrorists and that until modifications were made, the waste would continue to be stored outside, underneath a tent.
The $62 mil storage facility is currently the most expensive Winabago in the world. The proposed new Anti-terrorist security features will include bulletproof awnings, heat and motion sensing flood lights and Anti-aircraft deck chairs.
posted by Steve | 3:14 AM
Saturday, July 27, 2002 Hungry? Try a "Fat in Chocolate"
KIEV, Ukraine — A Ukrainian candy company has begun marketing what may be the stickiest, richest and most fattening treat on the market: pure pork fat covered in chocolate. Cracking open a finger-sized stick of ''Fat in Chocolate'' reveals exactly that: a vein of white fat. The dark chocolate product pokes fun at the traditional Ukrainian snack of salo, or salted pork fat, usually consumed with vodka and pickles.
Hmmmm yummy. Don't tell the Tubby New Yorkers. They'll be sueing like mad... posted by Steve | 3:59 PM
Butt of all jokes --
CLAYTON, Mo. — Police arrested a man who allegedly dropped his pants in the crowded lobby of the St. Louis County Courthouse and made photocopies of his buttocks. Police found Daniel Everett holding two copies he had already made. He was making a third. ''What did I do? What did I do?'' witnesses said Everett asked police. Everett, an immature 38, told police that the copies were intended as a practical joke for his girlfriend.
Gee, how unlucky was this guy? How was he to know that in a busy courthouse it was against the law to photocopy one's buttocks. Where were the signs saying, NO BUTT COPYING?
I think the only thing that poor old Dan did wrong was not set the photocopier to take 3 prints from the one pass. But what can you expect from an immature 38 year old? posted by Steve | 3:38 PM
Friday, July 26, 2002 Fat Bastards sue Fat Cats --
The Age, Friday 26 July, 2002
Overweight New Yorkers are taking four fast food chains to court for knowingly selling meals that cause obesity, in the latest move to prove that fat is the `new tobacco'.
The New Yorkers claim that McDonalds, Burger King, Kentucky Fried Chicken and Wendy's have misled consumers like them by enticing them with greasy, salty and sugary meals.
One of the plaintiffs, a maintenance engineer who weighs 127 kilograms, says he regularly ate fast food under the impression it was healthy.
HELLOOO! How in the hell did the fool get the impression that junk food was healthy? As long as I can remember I've been under the impression that this shit was unhealthy... which was always the attraction for me.
Just because a burger has some vegetables in it doesn't make it healthy Chubs.
I love a bit of junk food every now and then, but you'll never see me queuing up at the drive thru for a dozen burgers, 4 large fries and a small diet cola to wash it all down. For lunch today I had a slice of pizza... Get it Chubs... A SLICE... Not the whole damn family sized, mega mutha pizza. Just one slice. I could have possibly forced down another slice but instead I ate an apple.
It ain't Rocket Science people. If you eat loads of fatty, greasy, sweet crap then you become a fat, greasy, sweet load of crap.
Accept the blame upon yourselves... And stay the fuck away from my Asstrology shop! posted by Steve | 3:36 AM
Thursday, July 25, 2002 Poo Power --
The Age, Saturday July 20, 2002
Britain's first ever dung-fired power station started operating this week, taking the dung of nearly 5000 dairy cows and lighting up homes around the north coast of Devon.
Australia was the first choice, however it was soon discovered that shit has been powering that country's government for several years already.
posted by Steve | 3:16 AM
Wednesday, July 24, 2002 Psychic? My butt!!! --
The Age Odd Spot, Wednesday July 10, 2002
A blind German psychic says he can read people's futures by feeling their naked buttocks. The clairvoyant says that people's backsides have lines like those on the palm of the hand, but have "a much stronger power of expression''.
A few weeks ago I stayed a weekend at Daylesford, a thriving community of Antique sellers, Spiritual Healers, Psychics, Hippies and trendy cafes to the north-west of Melbourne. Whilst there I came to the conclusion that some people will do anything for spiritual fulfilment.
My theory about this is that these people are too stupid to come up with their own answers about themselves so they ask a complete stranger to tell them what they want to hear and they happily pay money for this information.
So, after a few drinks, I came up with the idea that I could open a shop in Daylesford offering to perform Rectum Readings - or Asstrology :) for $50 each and people would flock to my door simply because they've had every other part of their body read and still haven't got the answers they seek.
They'd drop their pants, spread their cheeks and I'd sprout some rubbish about how they will meet someone with brown hair who will make a huge impression upon their miserable existence (happy people don't seek spiritual fulfilment) and how people take advantage of them because they're too trusting. They'd leave thinking, "wow! he can tell so much about me just from my looking at my pooh shute".
posted by Steve | 4:41 AM
MINI MOO --
In a May dispatch from Cuba, The Wall Street Journal reported that Fidel Castro proposed in 1987 to alleviate a chronic milk shortage by trying to get his scientists to clone the most productive cows, shrunk to the size of dogs so that each family could keep one inside its apartment. The cows would feed on grass grown inside under fluorescent lights. Cuba was the home of the late Ubre Blanca, the Guinness book record-holder as the most milk-productive cow of all time.
Now why on Earth didn't Fidel just suggest that everyone should get their milk from dogs instead of cows. It would have been far simpler than genetically engineering cows to be the size of dogs.
But Noooo! People would kick up a fuss about drinking dogs milk. What's the big deal? No one cares about drinking cows milk and yet, how many people choose to have a cow as a companion???
Now tell me this, what makes cows milk a better replacement to our mother's milk.
Fidel should have started up a Human milk industry in his countries time of need. Most of us start on human milk and then for whatever reason are weened from the breast and given cows milk as a replacement. Don't you think that's a bit weird?
Imagine it. Lactating women go to the dairy in the morning give some milk, get paid for it, then go home or to work, they'd be given good healthy food to maintain good quality milk (like milking cows are now). Then in the afternoon they go back to the dairy for another milking and get more money and food. It's a perfect system, I don't know why it's not happening all around the world.
And not only would we have Mother's Milk. There'd also be Mother's Butter, Mother's Cheese, Mother's Cream... The whole dairy range made from good old fashioned Mother's Milk. Just like nature intended.
posted by Steve | 3:21 AM
WHAT'S THE STORY???
Just about every newspaper has a section devoted to the weird and wonderful goings on in the World. Quite often they're referred to as "Odd Spots".
I live in Melbourne, Australia and usually read the daily Odd Spot in "The Age" before reading any other news. It puts me in a lighter mood, ready to face the days challenges... and because I prefer to laugh than be all serious and let the woes of the world drag me down.
Of course I'm not happy enough just to read the Odd Spots and move on... No. There's more to the story waiting to be told. It justs needs a little irrational thought to read between the lines and see THE REAL STORY... posted by Steve | 3:07 AM