Odd Blogs
Just about every newspaper has a section devoted to the weird and wonderful goings on in the World. Quite often they're referred to as "Odd Spots". Of course there's more to the story waiting to be told. It justs needs a little irrational thought to read between the lines and see THE REAL STORY...

Monday, September 30, 2002  

Best Lawyer in The World

Seven men who bared all in Toronto's Gay Pride Parade have been cleared of public nudity charges because they were wearing shoes, and so technically were not naked.

I bet those shoes were Gucci.

Next time I perform the infamous Pantsdown Parade I'll have to remember to keep my shoes on.

P.S. Who was their lawyer?

posted by Steve | 3:08 AM

Babies Are So Cute
September 30 2002

A small boy who fell from a first-storey window was saved from injury by his fully laden nappy, which burst on impact, German police said yesterday.

The child, 20 months, hit the ground on his rump. Experts said the splattered diaper had acted like a car airbag, absorbing the shock.

While alone in a room Saturday, the boy had crawled onto a window sill of his apartment in Korschenbroich, near the western city of Neuss, and leaned against a window where the catch was open. He was unhurt.

I'd like to know why someone would claim to be an expert in the energy absorbing abilities of a diaper full of babies shit.

posted by Steve | 2:58 AM

Saturday, September 28, 2002  

Just Another Ordinary Day in Melbourne

Well folks it's late afternoon on the last Saturday in September and I think it's time for an installment of... "Rants from the Pants".

It's cold and raining here in Melbourne but a large majority of the city's population are outside. Today is the craziest of days in this town where people congregate at barbeques or at the main sports stadium of this Sports-mad town watching the Grand Final of the Australian Rules football.

I of course am not watching this event because, in my opinion, it is neither grand nor final.

The event begins with the obligatory pre-game show which entails somekind of dance performance, Air Force jet fly overs (a show of military mite that I'm sure would make Saddam wet his pants... laughing) and a mainstream "talent" singing. This little crowd warmer is followed by "The Big Game" that the presenters proudly profess will be watched by millions of people around the world. What they don't mention is that this figure is sweet FA compared to the number of people following other ball sports on this planet and that the only people watching this game in other countries are Australian's working/living or holidaying.

Here's a brief description of Australian Rules Football for the billions who have never heard of it: The game involves 18 athletic men in short shorts and tight flamboyant coloured tops chasing a wet slippery oval shaped ball of leather around a immaculately manucured lawn. And yet when I answer some Yobbo's (Australian for Redneck) question about which team I support as "None, I don't follow football", I get the response "Wot are ya, a poofter (gay) or sumthun' ?".

Of course the description for Australian Rules Football can be applied to any code of football (only the number of men playing changes). And the homophobic response from a keen follower will also be similar when presented with another male who does not get satisfaction from watching men get all muddy and slippery wrestling for a ball.

Football is often compared to religion. And I for one can see many resemblances, such as:
Followers of one faction (team) hate followers of other factions.
Followers of one doctrine (code) hate followers of other doctrines.

Then there's the territorial aspect where Faction 1 come from another place than Faction 2 - Although, there is a team from Melbourne playing today called Collingwood. They represent a suburb of Melbourne and are playing against a team from Brisbane (a whole other city in a whole other state). The strange thing is that the majority of followers of other Melbourne teams hate Collingwood and would rather see the "foreigners" win. I think Collingwood are regarded as the Seventh Day Aventists of the league. Their followers are over zealous and they like to inform everyone of their opinions but basically they follow the same beliefs.

Football is just the continuation of the religious wars that have occurred over the past millennia or two, such as the struggle between Christians and Muslims during the Middle-Ages or the struggle between Prodestants and Catholics.

I will never understand the fascination for football nor the faith of religion. I am an atheist to both.

You can judge or catergorise me anyway you like. But I will never judge you by the colour of your skin or the scarf or jacket you wear... Only by your actions.


posted by Steve | 7:11 AM

Wednesday, September 25, 2002  

--- Eighty Foot Schwarzenegger Statue ---

An Austrian town is divided on plans to erect a huge steel statue of Arnold Schwarzenegger in his Terminator role.
The 80ft statue in the centre of Graz will be a tribute to local boy Arnold Schwarzenegger and will tower over more traditional statues of Mozart and the Austrian Emperor Kaiser Franz Joseph.
But many locals believe the tribute is not in fitting with the town's image as it takes up the mantle of European City of Culture next year.
The giant steel Terminator will cost £3.2m and be built next year in Graz City Park.
A group of local artists, the Graz City Park Forum, is the main backer for the statue which was commissioned from two Russian artists, Aristarkh Chernyshev and Vladislav Efimov.
City Park Forum spokesman Herwig Hoeller says the proposal had met with a huge amount of support from both local people and foreigners and that the critics are in a minority.
He said: "I have received emails from many people saying they will certainly visit Graz when it is finished. It will be a major attraction and people will come from all over the world to see it."
Schwarzenegger already has a sport stadium in Graz named after him in recognition of his sporting achievements and Hoeller says it is now time his "giant achievements" as an actor were also honoured.
"Schwarzenegger is, after all, our biggest cultural export," he said.

80ft Arnie

Wow! 80ft. That's almost as big as Arnie's ego.
Personally I would like to see the statue made in honour of his role in Kindergarten Cop. Imagine it. There'd be little kiddies hanging off his legs and arms and a brass plaque with the words "It's not a tumor!".

posted by Steve | 3:24 AM

Saturday, September 21, 2002  

Saturday September 21, 2002
A Brazilian rock musician stormed a radio station and forced the disc jockey at gunpoint to play his band's CD, which was rated as one of the worst of the year by MTV.

This shows the lengths Rock musicians have to go to just to get a radio station to play anything other than manufactured kiddie-pop.

On a trip to South America a couple of years ago I came to the terrifying realisation that kiddie-pop is a franchise. After watching the local versions of MTV in Chile and Peru I soon found that the majority of the music was from boy-bands, girl-bands or a "solo singer" (not counting the producer and all the wizz-bang electronic gear that could make a chainsaw sound like a cello). Although they were singing in Spanish I could clearly understand the message of each song... Sell it to the kids and make us rich.

This same franchising happens all over the world. Which makes me think that there's someone at the top who is controlling all this, designing the formula that makes a song sell to the masses (under 18 years old), and they're making shit-loads of money out of it.

The beautiful young things in front of the camera are pawns in this game. They're expendable, if they burn out due to the pressures of whirl-wind tours or die in car or plane crashes (which might just be a tidy way of getting rid of troublesom talent) then the Shit-mill just squeezes out another one to take their place.

I say we hunt them down and put an end to this. George Bush wants to rid the world of Saddam but I think he should shift his target, aim the missiles at the kiddie-pop producers.

posted by Steve | 9:20 PM

Thursday, September 19, 2002  

Lesson Learnt
Wednesday September 18, 2002
A Yemeni man who divorced his first wife because she was loud and argumentative picked a deaf and mute woman as his new bride.

It just so happens that the guys new wife was also a nymphomaniac with an oral fixation... Go figure!

posted by Steve | 10:29 AM

Thursday, September 05, 2002  

Porn To Save Swedish Population
Ananova Quirkies. Thursday 5th September 2002
Swedish politician says there should be more porn on TV to help boost the country's population.
Christian Democrat Teres Kirpikli says not enough babies are being born in Sweden.
She believes that putting porn on television will put couples in the mood for sex.
The 35-year-old mother of three told Expressen: "I want more porn on TV. For example every Saturday, all day. That will give people the lust to have sex."
The local politician's comments have created a scandal within her party and one member of Parliament has advised her to step down.
But Mrs Kirpikli, from Skovde, says she believes most people like porn but very few want to admit it.
"There is nothing wrong with a married couple watching porn together. I have done it with my husband many times, and it was good."
But she adds that she does not want to see more hardcore porn on TV.

Now we're talking!!!
It's about time we had some good quality porn on TV to replace the plethora of other rubbish that constantly polutes our screens. I'm especially fond of the All-Day-Saturday plan... beats the hell out of football.
But what worries me is Mrs Kirpikli's suggestion that porn will encourage people to reproduce. Has she thought about why couples are choosing not to have kids?
Just look at what we see weekly on our televisions: War, terrorism, polution, climate change, over population and American Sitcoms. Who would want to bring a child into the world with a future like that?
Watch an episode of Friends or Ally McBeal and tell me that doesn't scare the shit out of you about having children (and life in general).
My greatest fear in life is that I have kids that turn out to be just like those boring bastards on Friends or complete Fruit Loops like Ally MacBeal... Or worse still a FUCKING politician!
I'll stick to porn as a solo stimulant thank you very much.

posted by Steve | 11:26 AM
Whoa! How did that get there?