Odd Blogs
Just about every newspaper has a section devoted to the weird and wonderful goings on in the World. Quite often they're referred to as "Odd Spots". Of course there's more to the story waiting to be told. It justs needs a little irrational thought to read between the lines and see THE REAL STORY...

Wednesday, August 28, 2002  

Man Divorces Wife Due To Dildo Dilema'
Ananova Quirkies. Thursday 22nd August 2002
A Romanian man wants to divorce his wife because he claims she's spent all their money on sex toys.
Teacher Teodor Popescu, from Focsani, wants to ends his two-year marriage to Maria.
He has filed for divorce with the local court.
He told the National daily newspaper: "I have had enough. The final straw came when she used the last of our savings, £40, to buy herself four different vibrators.
"I hope she is satisfied with the toys because she won't get any more pleasure from me."
The average monthly income in Romania is the equivalent of £70.

And the problem is...?

Look Teodor, your wife bought all those sex toys for one very good (and bloody obvious) reason... You are crap in the sack!
The clever girl knew that if she divorced you then she'd look like a bad person and possibly lose out in the divorce settlement (not that it sounds like there's much left to haggle over). But, if she continued to do something that she knows will piss you off no-end then you would divorce her and then you would look like the bad guy.
Geez man. Don't tell me you think that she's going to miss your sorry little pecker?

posted by Steve | 1:24 PM

Smoking Is A Sanity Hazard

A Slovakian motorist who blew up his car and a petrol station when he used a cigarette lighter to look into his petrol tank is to be charged with endangering public safety.

The man was also charged with firearm offences...

Get it? FIRE - ARM!...

Ah! What the hell. Who am I kidding?
It wasn't worth the effort... but I'll post it anyway.

posted by Steve | 1:10 PM

No Scare Left In Scarecrows

Wednesday August 28, 2002
A judge on an inspection visit to a Brazilian jail discovered a straw scarecrow dressed in police uniform on the watchtower "guarding" 735 prisoners. The scarecrow had apparently been on duty for days.

A combination of privatization, staff cut backs and the unions being shunted out have resulted in scarecrows being forced to work extra long hours. These days it's not uncommon to find scarecrows that have worked several shifts back-to-back. None of the scarecrows we interviewed would dare to take this issue up with their employer in fear of losing their jobs.

posted by Steve | 1:00 PM

Diamonds Are Forever. And So Is Death

Saturday August 24, 2002
The mayor of a French Mediterranean town, faced with a cemetery "full to bursting", has banned local residents from dying until he can find somewhere else to bury them. He introduced the ban after a court rejected his plans to build a new cemetery by the sea.

Dear Mayor of French Mediterranean town,
Here is the answer to all your problems with the life challenged people of your village:

Friday August 23, 2002
A US firm has developed a process for turning cremated human remains into diamonds that can be worn as jewellery. "We're building on the fact that living creatures are carbon-based and diamonds are carbon-based," said the head of LifeGem Memorials.

posted by Steve | 12:53 PM

Tuesday, August 27, 2002  

Warning Sign Seen at Hugh Grant's Local Pub


WARNING: Smoking whilst receiving a blow job could be dangerous to your health.

REMINDER: If your fellatio partner is NOT a swallower please shoot your load into the toilet bowl.

posted by Steve | 2:39 AM

Monday, August 26, 2002  

Camel Toes???

I'm not sure about the news worthiness of it but I get a real laugh out of this site:

Call me naive but it took me about 5 minutes to work out what the hell camel toes had to do with anything. How about you?

Here's a visual clue...
Camel Toe?

If you still can't work it out. Read up on The History of the Toe

posted by Steve | 12:51 PM

Meanwhile at the Vatican...


posted by Steve | 12:21 PM

Friday, August 23, 2002  

-- Headless Spirits From Hell --

Children are staying away from school in Malaysia because of rumoured sightings of headless ghosts.
Rumours have spread after the apparent sightings in broad daylight at the SM Senawang II school in Seremban.
The sightings coincide with the Taoist Hungry Ghost Festival. Believers think spirits from hell roam the earth during August.
Zakaria Nordin of the state education authority says it's safe for children to go to school.
He told The Star parents shouldn't make the situation worse by spreading rumours or scaring their children.
He said: "I have not heard of anyone being injured from being 'mauled' by ghosts and it's safe for the children to go to school."

I had a day off work on Monday. I was being haunted by the Headless Spirits From Hell but I knew my boss wouldn't beleive me so I told him I had a cold.

posted by Steve | 2:47 AM

Wednesday, August 14, 2002  

The Gods Are Appeased
The Age Odd Spot, August 13, 2002

Some 200 women farmers in Nepal have ploughed their fields naked in a bid to break a drought. The women shut the windows of their houses with their husbands inside and then bared all as they tilled the fields in a ritual to appease the Hindu god of rain, Indra.

And then this in The Age the next day:
In Nepal, at least 422 people have been killed, scores more are missing and more than 30,000 left homeless as a result of weeks of monsoonal floods, the Nepal Red Cross Society said.

It seems that Indra was very appeased indeed.

posted by Steve | 3:08 AM

Who You Calling PHAT???

Lookout guys. With a name like that you're bound to be sued by the "Fat is the new tobacco" crowd.

posted by Steve | 2:43 AM

Saturday, August 10, 2002  

Britney Finally Lets Up
August 9 2002
Pop princess Britney Spears is taking a six-month break, but her publicist today denied rumours that the 20-year-old singing sensation was so exhausted and broken-hearted that she was ``running home to mom.''
``She is taking six months off. She has been working for four years straight and she is taking a break. The girl works harder than anyone in the business and she is taking a break,'' publicist Lisa Kasteler said.
Recent tabloid newspaper reports have said that an exhausted Spears was planning to pack in the music business for two years and move back to her home state of Louisiana to live with her mother.
`She is going to read scripts during the six months. She is going to travel, write music and hang out with her family and friends. There is no drama here,'' she said.

Well, well. It's not such a slow news day after all. The Princess of Shit-Pop is finally giving us a break from her constant assult on the air waves and tabloid media... Oh and we can't forget the silver-screen (unfortunately).
Two years... Gee. What - will - we - do?

I hope she just reads the scripts, not actually act them out in front of a camera. But it's great to hear that she's going to try writing music. That should be a novelty for her.

Don't be gone too long Britney. We might decide we prefer it that way.

posted by Steve | 4:33 PM

Piddly Little Problem
Well it's a bit of a slow news day today. So I'll add my own thoughts on a subject that frequently gets on my nerves.

Believe it or not, Mr Pantsdown has a respectable job in a highrise office (well it's respectable in a Capitalist sense). The Gents toilet on the floor I work has a regular patron who seems to experience great difficulty in aiming their urine flow. Somehow there is always piss all over the tiled step in front of the urinal trough. Now it beats the hell outa me how a guy can point Percy at a 4 foot high by 8 foot long sheet of stainless steel that is only 6 inches away and yet completely miss the damn thing.
What is wrong with the guy? Does he not stand on the step or does he have some problem taming his python? Whatever the deal is, it's disgusting. He must walk away with piss all over his shoes. I mean there's piss everywhere. Sometimes it's impossible to not stand in a puddle of pee. I don't even want to think about where all the piss sodden shoes end up.

So if you're reading this Mr Problempisser. Please take my advise, if you can't hit the target from a standing position. Sit down like the ladies do...
Yeah! Of course. I've been thinking all along that the perpitrator is a guy. But maybe I should be blaming a female. One who's got some weird thing for standing up whilst pissing. Someone with a severe case of PENIS ENVY. That's it! I know who it is now.
It's that ball bustin' bitch from down the hall. She's been trying to prove that she's as good as the guys for years. Well I've got news for ya sister. You can't. Not until you can piss at the trough without it going all over the tiles.

posted by Steve | 4:03 PM

Thursday, August 08, 2002  

GI Joe Told to Go
The Age August 6, 2002
Security staff at a US airport confiscated a five-centimetre plastic rifle from a GI Joe doll a woman had in her carry-on luggage. The woman was told that if she wanted GI Joe to keep his rifle, she would have to check in again and put the toy in her suitcase so it could go in the aircraft's hold.

This is the same woman who was asked to remove her vibrator from a plane a week ago. She won't let up will she?
Obviously there are devious plans afoot here. Hi-jack the planes with toys and make demands for all the oppressed dolls to be given the freedom that they so rightfully deserve.

A message from the DFF (Doll Freedom Fighters):
Fight the power sisters and brothers. Make a stand for our comrades, the GI Joes, Barbies and all the action figures that are down-trodden by the Capitalist Pigs.
ALERT: Ja Ja Binx is a traitor. He must be eliminated.

posted by Steve | 2:52 AM

Wednesday, August 07, 2002  

Dog Day Afternoon
The Age 7 Aug, 02
President George W. Bush has trouble persuading his dog Barney to walk up the steps to Air Force One en route to the ranch in Texas.

What does this say about President George W Bush? He can't even lead a dog and yet he's expected to lead a country!!!

The two Airforce guys saluting, just crack me up. I can imagine them choking back a giggle, and then later on, getting together with their buddies at a bar and laughing their freakin' heads off. "... and George is sayin' c'mon Barney Boy. If you're a good doggy-woggy I'll take you to the lakey-wakey... AAHH HAAAA HA HAAAAA!!!!"

posted by Steve | 7:29 AM

Monday, August 05, 2002  

Would you like a hot wax as well...?
July 2002
Three enterprising young women caused a sensation in Moscow, Idaho, USA when they offered to wash cars for cash while topless.
Local pastor Doug Wilson claimed, "women who show their breasts in public commit sexual vadalism".

At the carwash

Hey ladies, I've got a dirty old beast over here for you to polish... You can come and vandalise me anytime.

I've dedicated the following blog to these three lovely ladies:

posted by Steve | 11:44 AM
Whoa! How did that get there?